Attention caterers: say goodbye to your shitty generic sandwiches and plates of assorted vegetables, for I will devour them. I just rejected an invitation to a party because I have a chicken pot pie in the oven. My old computer science teacher didn't like it when I ate in class, so I cut his class to piss him off.

Much like the fearsome Komodo Dragon, I'm lured by the scent of food from miles away. Whenever I play Chrono Trigger, I do my part to save Social Security by stealing the old man's lunch:

If you're stupid enough to leave your food unattended, it won't be there when you return. Unless it's Indian food. Indian food is disgusting. All Indian food follows the same recipe:

1. Find as many ingredients as you can without concern for taste or nutrition.
2. Throw everything into a pot and keep cooking until you get a dubious homogeneous mixture.

Not sure if you're eating Indian food? Here's a simple test: try to identify at least one ingredient. If you can, then it's not Indian food. If you can't, then you have no choice but to ask an informed Indian what you're eating, but he'll respond with some shady condescending bullshit like "Think of it as an Indian...pancake/soup/salad/doughnut/trail mix". NEVER EAT INDIAN FOOD.

I've feigned interest in 5320 organizations just to eat their free pizza