Many of you have been wondering what I’ve been doing for the past month. In a few words, I was saving the world.
In the 7th month of the year 20XX, the Queen of Terror was sealed in My Balls. To save mankind from total annihilation, I had no choice but to keep myself from ejaculating for the entire month. Some might call me a hero. I have no right to argue. ‘Tis no small feat to triumph where others have tried and failed.
Much like Odysseus had himself tied to the mast of his ship so he couldn’t jerk off to the Sirens, I too found ways to steer clear of temptation, and I kept a diary thereof.
Day 1: Put Dvorak stickers on my keyboard
Day 2. Finished reading A Random Walk Down Wall Street
Day 3. Played Donkey Kong Country
Day 4. Watched about 20 minutes of Mexico vs. Chile soccer, which conveniently covered both Chile goals
Day 5. Went to the Library
Day 6. Backed up my database
Day 7. Watched Jeter ground out to second for the millionth time this season, stuck at 2998 hits
Day 8. Upgraded from PHP 4.4.9 to PHP 5.2.4, upgraded to WordPress 3.2
Day 9. Read an online box score of Jeter’s 5-5, 3000th hit game
Day 10. Took a nap
Day 11. Took another nap
Day 12. Ate shrimp for both lunch and dinner
Day 13. Wrote the first sentence of a new post
Day 14. Picked an opening pic for the new post
Day 15. Thought about writing a second sentence for the new post, ended up taking a nap
Day 16. Went to a barbeque
Day 17. Watched Japan beat the US in women’s soccer
Day 18. Went to jury duty, then went to the DMV
Day 19. Watched two Simpsons episodes
Day 20. Watched two Simpsons episodes and took a nap
Day 21. Got a massage
Day 22. Laughed at other people whining about the heat wave
Day 23. Got a car wash
Day 24. Practiced the Futae no Kiwami on my wall
Day 25. Missed a phone call and actually called back
Day 26. Ran a 5K
Day 27. Went to the Patent Office, listened to Detroit Metal City in the search room
Day 28. Stayed three hours late at work
Day 29. Dropped my mother off at the airport
Day 30. Watched Ron Paul videos for about two hours straight
Day 31. Wrote this post
Thus, the world was saved.
You’re welcome.
UPDATE: Lt. Wargan thanked me with fan art based off my old harem post, thus making everyone else’s thanks worthless by comparison.
UPDATE: I saved the world again in 2013.
I hope your Jury Service wasn’t as boring as mine was when I did it a couple of years back. (Incidentally, I didn’t realise that they allowed members of the legal profession do it in the US; it’s one of the things that a Solicitor-friend of mine over here wishes that she could do, but isn’t allowed to, guess she wants to see what it’s like on the ‘other side’ etc.)
Also, you missed out ‘Blatant filler posts’ from your list of tags.
None of the men around here seem to think this was a blatant filler post. Would it be filler if you went a whole month without buying shoes?
I got my jury duty postponed for 6 months. It’s a long story.
Lawyers here are allowed to be on juries, which would be dumb if allowed to happen. Any competent lawyer would kick out the lawyers during jury selection. I was called in to be a grand juror, which doesn’t have a voir dire process, but it also doesn’t follow all the defendant-coddling rules of an actual trial, so my being a lawyer wouldn’t be all that big a deal. I’d totally do it if I didn’t have a job.
Sounds rough. You sure a jimmy hat wouldn’t suffice?
No jimmy hat to my knowledge can contain the Queen of Terror.
ugh, just had an image of what bakaraptor is doing after publishing this post
Disturbing doesn’t begin to describe it.
You have more self-constraint than Glo. Thank you.
To be fair, I didn’t suffer any demon rape attempts as Glo claims to have experienced.
Thanks to you the K-On! movie is going to push through. Much obliged.
I am a very messiah.
So wait, the Chilean and Mexican national teams don’t turn you on? Derek Jeter doesn’t turn you on?? Or were you actually trying to put yourself to the test in the first week by watching all those manly men playing with theirs???
Derek Jeter used to turn me on; now he sucks. Chile vs. Mexico has to be turned off after 20 minutes.
You have done the world a great service. Your sacrifice shall not be in vain.
Ask not what the world can do for you. Ask what you can do for the world (i.e., me).
It wasn’t a very good massage then?
She was too old, even for me.
Saving the world ? Isn’t this a code to become a hikkikomori and jerk off the whole month ?
Even it it was TRUE, in Day 20+1 You got a massage…
I assume it wasn’t from a hot chick or girlfriend, otherwise your accumulated libido would have you blasted your mission to fail.
Why The Fucking Hell You Didn’t Watch Any Anime At All? I guess you couldn’t handle an episode or two of Queen’s Blade then 😛
You overestimate my libido. The Asexual Adventures of Baka-Raptor could force a revision of the Dewey Decimal System.
You still didn’t answer my question about why you didn’t watch any anime during this period, or if you did watch something, why isn’t it listed?
You know damn well I’m not watching anime for a year.
“I don’t buy it :P”
…
When writing the last sentence I would really mean:
…
“Forgive me for my bad behavior, i should never have doubt your word your magesty.”
Okay. I wasn’t planning on jerking off, but now I’m going to do it just to spite you. That would spite you, right?
Yes.
Good. I did it.
Watching Ron Paul videos for any length of time would ruin any man’s libido in no time at all, beyond repair. You brave soul. *Salutes*
“The brave man seeks not popular applause, Nor, overpower’d with arms, deserts his cause; Unsham’d, though foil’d, he does the best he can, Force is of brutes, but honor is of man.” – John Dryden
Adding this to the diary.
While you’re updating links, you may as well update the link to your site, unless your name is now Mangamaster and you write in what I assume is German.
So BakaRaptor likes Donkey Kong Country ? This is genius, because it is my alltime favourite game ! 🙂
I always play as Diddy.
I hope you’re voting Ron Paul in 2012
Please, I was on the bandwagon back in 2008.
This time around I even have a bumper sticker!
You watched 2 (TWO) hours of Ron Paul?! That’s a brave thing to do. 😀
Anyway we all like big ttttttt….televisions! :]
Huh? Well yeah! The bigger the better!
“Song of the brave, how thrills thy tone As when the Organ’s music rolls; No gold rewards, but song alone, The deeds of great and noble souls.” – Gottfried Augustus Burger
I thought about not masturbating for a month upon realizing that you put dvorak stickers on your keyboard and played DKC, two things I’ve always wanted to do, but the other things you did are fuck boring.
That said, what happened to the dvorak?
I got lazy and haven’t used it in a few weeks.
on day 12 where you ate a lot of shrimp i’m imagining you wearing an Ika Musume hat on top of your normal pimp hat. nearby is Ika herself with her hat removed, and you all know what happens to Ika Musume without her hat…
Oops, I forgot, guess I’ll have to watch the whole series again now.
what about playing video games for month ?
I’ll get to it. Once I play Okami and finish up Shin Megami Tensei Nocturne, I can finally move on to the PS3:
When you finish Catherine add Nier to the list.
I’m sure I will never be as productive as you good sir.
Who said productivity is a good thing? I much prefer laziness.
[…] Just like two years ago, there was no update for the month of July because I was too busy saving the world. […]