The day after Christmas is a magical time when people flock to stores to return all the crappy gifts they’ve received. Certain anime personalities would like to make returns as well…
Lelouch: Hello, I’d like to return this stupid-looking hat.
Baka-Raptor: Do you have a receipt?
Lelouch: No
Baka-Raptor: No receipt, no return.
Lelouch: Take it back – Lelouch vi Britannia commands you!
Baka-Raptor: That won’t work. I’ve already been Geassed once.
Lelouch: Can I at least get store credit?
Baka-Raptor: No, get lost.
Tsukasa: Hi, can I return my cell phone?
I’m told this scene is supposed to be funny
Baka-Raptor: Is it broken?
Tsukasa: No, I’m just too stupid and useless to know how to use it.
Baka-Raptor: Too bad.
Tsukasa: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
Baka-Raptor: Get lost.
Kurenai: Hello, I’d like to return this Murasaki.
Baka-Raptor: All Murasakis must be returned directly to the manufacturer.
Kurenai: You mean her pedophilic incestual rapist family?
Baka-Raptor: Yes.
Kurenai: Sure, I see no problem with that. I’d also like to return my bone-sword.
Baka-Raptor: Why?
Kurenai: Having a retractable scythe grafted to your arm isn’t “true power.”
Baka-Raptor: Yes it is. Get lost.
The Other Kurenai: Hello, I’d like to return these birth-control pills.
Baka-Raptor: They didn’t work?
The Other Kurenai: Ordinary means of contraception are no match for Asuma’s potent seed.
Baka-Raptor: When did you buy them?
The Other Kurenai: Last month.
Baka-Raptor: Sorry, there’s a 30-day return limit.
Saji: Hello sir, I would like to return this tambourine.
Baka-Raptor: Why?
Saji: Krauser raped it.
Baka-Raptor: You idiot, that just makes it more valuab— I mean, yes, I’ll take it.
Saji: Yay! *does a geyyyy dance*
Random Soul Eater Character: Hello, I’d like to return this Excalibur.
Baka-Raptor: Not again…
Random Soul Eater Character: He’s so damn annoying.
Baka-Raptor: Just put him back where you found him.
Faeries: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Tite Kubo: Would it be possible to return this Dondochakka and Pesche? It has come to my attention that they are the shittiest characters in the history of anime.
Baka-Raptor: Why not kill them off? It’s all in my script.
Tite Kubo: Thanks!
Baka-Raptor: You’re welcome.
Sesshoumaru: Hello, I would like to return this Toukijin.
Baka-Raptor: What’s the matter?
Sesshoumaru: ¡Mi espada se rompió!
Baka-Raptor: You’ll have to take this claim over to Baja-Raptor over in the Spanish department.
Sesshoumaru: I was just there. He told me to come here.
Baka-Raptor: Sorry, only the Spanish department can handle this transaction.
Sesshoumaru: BUT I WAS JUST THERE!
Baka-Raptor: The rules are the rules.
Sesshoumaru: Dammit…
Shizuru: Hello, I would like to return this Nao.
Baka-Raptor: Have you used her?
Shizuru: Just once…
Baka-Raptor: Is she in her original packaging?
Shizuru: Possibly
Baka-Raptor: Do you have a receipt?
Shizuru: Yes
Baka-Raptor: Ok
Alicia: Hello!
Baka-Raptor: Why hello there.
Alicia: Ara ara! I would like to return this gondola!
Baka-Raptor: Is there a problem with it?
Alicia: No, but I won’t be needing it anymore now that I’m retired and getting married.
Baka-Raptor: You’re retired and getting married?! Get out!
Alicia: Ara ara, I’m serious!
Baka-Raptor: I’m serious too! Get out! *throws beer can at Alicia*
Athena: Excuse me, I’d like to return my gondola too.
Baka-Raptor: Didn’t you return yours last night?
Athena: Oh yeah
Kenshiro: Hello, I would like to return this flamethrower.
Baka-Raptor: What’s wrong with it?
Kenshiro: I have no need for it. Hokuto Shin Ken has been passed down for 2000 years. It is invincible.
Baka-Raptor: That doesn’t mean you can’t use a flamethrower once in a while. How about a 30-day trial? I’ll even throw in this gun for free!
Kenshiro: Sounds good.