It’s all over. I’ve officially lost. My life sucks. Now I must fulfill my promise and jump off The Bridge of Sighs.
Why, you ask, must I resort to such extreme measures after losing the Funniest Anime Blog Award? Am I not disappointed that I lost all the awards? Isn’t everybody else? Sure, but losing the award for Funniest Anime Blog is particularly painful because it practically had my name on it. It’s like making an award called Best Blog Named Baka-Raptor and then giving it to RIUVA. Just look at their post whining about getting tons of hits but no comments – so funny. You know what’s actually funny? Getting tons of comments but no hits. Guess what RIUVA (if that is your real name): you’re my new arch-nemesis. Congratulations Zyl, that title no longer belongs to you. I’ll send you an e-card or something.
But I shouldn’t take my anger out on RIUVA. It’s not their fault for accidentally winning my award. I can only blame myself, which is why I must take responsibility for my failures and jump off The Bridge of Sighs.
Why doesn’t anybody like me? Are my pictures too big? My fonts too big? My black background too easy on the eyes? My conversational writing style not challenging enough? My posts too boring without flashy banners, sidebars, or advertisements? That’s nothing jumping off The Bridge of Sighs can’t fix.
Some people still think I’m a rookie (and they don’t even think I’m the best one). I don’t blame them. How are they supposed to know I exist? I’ve had this site for nearly two and a half years and all I have to show for it is the #1 Google search result for Naruto Filler.
Eat my dust Wikipedia.
Lately I’ve been called BR. What the hell? Japanese writing doesn’t have separate characters for R’s and L’s. What if people confuse BR with BL? What if they start pronouncing BR as Bara? I’m not a rose. Jumping off The Bridge of Sighs would be the most effective way to get that point across.
Everything else about my life also sucks. Eli Manning won the Super Bowl. Animeblogger still hasn’t listed me. Tidus’s sword broke. My back hurts. I don’t have a girlfriend (but if I did, I’d complain about her too). I got two consecutive B’s in my writing class. Although my package is sizable, it could theoretically be larger. Tennis told me that my website is going downhill.
I’ve had enough. I’m jumping off The Bridge of Sighs, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.
Goodbye.
UPDATE:
